


Just A Phase

by telekinesiskid



Category: Big Hero 6 (2014)
Genre: Age Difference, Attempted Sexual Assault, Incestuous Behaviour, Masturbation, creepy younger brother comes on to his older brother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2015-04-19
Packaged: 2018-03-24 18:25:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3779194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/telekinesiskid/pseuds/telekinesiskid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hiro was just going through a phase. At least that’s what Tadashi told himself. His little brother was thirteen and it was no doubt an… awkward time in his life, and this – whatever the hell this was – was just a phase. A terrifying, creepy, deeply disturbing phase. And he’d grow out of it. It would end soon.</p><p>Dear God, Tadashi needed it to end soon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just A Phase

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, friends! 
> 
> Um please understand that this is NOT an attack on hidashi. I have absolutely nothing against fictional incest and specifically hidashi fans, so please no one read this story in that way! This is just the thing that I do - I take pairings and write unnerving real-life consequences of the situations that they're in. I just wanted to present a different take on what is otherwise a very popular ship within the fandom!
> 
> Take care, guys <3
> 
> *beats head into a desk* I CAN'T BELIEVE I KEEP FORGETTING THIS - My amazing beta Kiiouex spent OVER AN HOUR reading this and making it not-awful so BIG THANKS TO HER <3 <3 <3

Hiro was just going through a phase. At least that’s what Tadashi told himself. His little brother was thirteen and it was no doubt an… _awkward_ time in his life, and _this_ – whatever the hell _this_ was – was just a phase. A terrifying, _creepy_ , deeply disturbing phase. And he’d grow out of it. It would end soon.

Dear _God,_ Tadashi needed it to end soon.

 

The first incident, he could recall, was about eleven o’clock on a Tuesday night. Tadashi was in bed, but awake, just skimming through tomorrow morning’s lecture content. All lights in the room were off aside from the little lamp he kept on his headboard.

Hiro had never been a particularly good sleeper. If it were up to him, he’d still be up at this hour, tinkering with bots or some such, and even though he didn’t really have a good reason to get up early and keep a proper sleep schedule anymore, Tadashi absolutely _insisted_ that Hiro got a full night’s sleep anyway. But he hardly ever did. He always tossed and turned or fell out of bed or lost all his sheets to the floor in the night.

But tonight was worse than usual.

Tadashi peered at his little brother across the room, raising a hand to angle up the hot lampshade and throw a little light over there. He hadn’t really paid it any attention five minutes ago, but it was more than a little noticeable and somewhat distracting now. That boy was _anything_ but silent and still. The sheets mussed around him, he rolled over and he rolled back, and he was making far too many _mouth_ sounds to be asleep, surely… _Was_ he awake?

And then what was most definitely, unmistakably a _moan_ broke from Hiro’s lips. And suddenly the small billowing in the middle of the sheets made a lot more sense.

_Oh._

_He’s…_

_OH._

Tadashi couldn’t think of what to do except to get up and close the divider that separated them.

He kept that divider shut for the rest of the night.

 

The next morning, Tadashi could barely look his little brother in the eye. As soon as he’d closed the divider, the night before – he _swore_ he heard Hiro actually stop and _giggle_ – he’d just turned off his light and shifted down in his bed and tried to sleep. He folded his pillow and pressed it firm over his ears but it _still_ hadn’t been enough to blot out the _sounds_ Hiro made. The sounds that made almost every inch of his skin crawl with shivers even just to recall.

Hiro didn’t act any differently. He wore tired faces like nothing even remotely unusual had taken place last night and it was just another _boring_ day to look forwards to, and he still patted Tadashi on the arm and asked him to pass the salt over breakfast. Hiro even went so far as to make a comment that Tadashi was _quiet_ that morning, and it had just… thrown Tadashi so far off the board. It made him think that he’d imagined the whole thing. Or that maybe Hiro well and truly _had_ been asleep,and just hadn’t _noticed_ that he’d… well.

He just tried to forget about the whole incident and put it behind him.

He’d managed that for all of about five days before it happened again.

 

Tadashi was prepared the next time. He hadn’t been _expecting_ it _– certainly NOT –_ but the second he sensed unusual movement and too-quick breaths from his brother’s side of the room, he shot up in a heartbeat and pulled the divider closed. He went back to bed and put in his earphones and played some music – any music, he didn’t care.

He felt at ease again. He put it out of his mind. He wondered why he didn’t just do this every night.

And then he remembered like a sharp, icy stab to his gut that he’d left his phone out there, on Hiro’s desk. And he took a fist to his mouth and bit into it _hard_ because he was _so stupid._ He needed that phone with him. That phone was his only alarm clock at the moment while his other was slowly undergoing repairs.

He would’ve repaired it right then and there – except that all of his tools lay beyond the safety of the divider too.

He almost didn’t want to. He tentatively took one earbud away and his stomach dropped through the floor to hear that his brother was _gasping._ No. No, there was no _way_ Hiro was doing _that_ in his sleep. There was no goddamn way.

God. If he was any louder– even _Aunt Cass_ could probably hear him from downstairs.

Hiro practically _whined_ and Tadashi fumbled the earbud back in place like nothing else in the world mattered more in that very second. He turned up the volume, for good measure.

Damn. He had to wait. He had to wait until his brother had… _Ugh._

He dropped his textbook to lean over his crossed legs and hold his head in his hands. It made him so uncomfortable that Hiro thought it was OK to do that kind of thing, while Tadashi was still in plain view. Even if Hiro’s eyes were shut, it didn’t make a difference. He shouldn’t have felt so comfortable doing _that_ around his older brother. That was… weird.

Tadashi knew he had to say something to him. Not right then _– God_ no, not then, not that night. Tomorrow, though. After breakfast. He’d… be the brave and responsible and sensible big brother he was and tell Hiro that that kind of thing was… inappropriate. _Not_ that masturbation was something a teenage boy should’ve been _ashamed_ of, but… It was just inappropriate. To do it in a public space, like a _shared bedroom with his brother._ Tadashi himself waited until Hiro was out of the house, or else during a long shower he…

Well, he wasn’t going to say _that._ But he was going to say something.

Tomorrow. For sure. He had an entire night to prepare himself for thatconversation.

It wasn’t always fun and games, as much as that was what he wanted their relationship to be. He was an older brother. Sometimes these types of conversations were inevitable and necessary. Breeching awkward topics _neither_ of them wanted to talk about was just a part of life. And Tadashi _needed_ to do it, he knew, because Aunt Cass sure as hell wasn’t going to tell Hiro what he needed to know beyond ‘Google it’.

Ten or fifteen minutes slipped by him. That was enough time, right? He slipped one earbud out and– nope.

Hiro was… still going.

 _Forget the phone_ , he told himself. And he fell asleep with his music still playing.

 

The next morning, he waited until Aunt Cass had gone downstairs to open up her café. Then he took a deep breath. “Hiro,” he started, and his little brother hummed his not-so-undivided attention over mouthfuls of toast. “Hiro, we need to talk about… We need to talk.”

Hiro wasn’t listening. He gave that same ‘heard you’ hum but he was too engrossed in his phone game for Tadashi to take it seriously. If Hiro had been listening then he would’ve asked if he was in trouble already.

Tadashi just sighed. A little forewarning would’ve been nice, but too bad. Tadashi would’ve liked a little forewarning himself – that he had no choice but to have this conversation with his little brother.

He followed Hiro upstairs and just managed to prevent him from throwing himself into his projects, catching his arm and taking him _away_ from the computer, so he could talk and listen. Tadashi sat Hiro on his bed and rolled a chair over, and he sighed again. Hiro had that _look_ in his eye. That squinted, unwelcoming _‘what are you doing’_ look that he sometimes wore whenever Tadashi stopped being his best friend and tried to be his big brother.

“Hiro…” He tried to find a _starting_ point. Where did he even start with this? He ran a hand down his face, which he knew was just reddening. “I just want to remind you that… uh, it’s a perfectly… healthy and normal thing for a teenage boy to… um. M-masturbate, but–“

Hiro’s reaction came swift and loud. He _groaned._ Like this was all so _tired_ and it was all so _tiring_ to hear; he rolled his eyes and fell back against his bed.

Tadashi blinked at him for a few seconds. And then he pressed forward, uncertainly, “It’s just… there are… _better_ places for doing, that kind of thing. The bathroom, for one? I just… I _don’t_ want you doing it, while I’m still in the room… OK?”

He waited with baited breath for Hiro’s response. But all he got was a hum.

“Hiro, you’re _listening_ to me, aren’t you?” He stood up from the chair and towered over his little brother to stare into his… intensely bored and turned away face. “Wha… What about this is so hard for you?”

Oh God. Poor choice of words. Hiro actually _smirked._

Tadashi didn’t like this. He liked dirty jokes, but he liked them with his friends. He didn’t like dirty jokes with his brother.

 _“Hiro.”_ He smacked his brother’s knee, just lightly, and instantly Hiro had wiped that smirk off. “I’m serious. It’s… It’s _weird_ for me. OK, buddy? I mean, I’m your big brother, and I love you, and I’ve seen a _lot_ from you over the years, but I… I _don’t_ need to see that. Or hear it. OK?”

Hiro blinked and gave a small shrug. “I don’t care. I don’t mind.”

Tadashi didn’t immediately respond. He… _actually_ couldn’t believe the words that had just come from his brother’s mouth.

“Well, _I do,_ ” he stressed. “I do care. I _do_ mind.”

“So shut the divider.”

Tadashi groaned into one hand. He shook his head. He didn’t know how to make his little brother understand. “I can still _hear you.”_

“So play some music.”

“I _do,_ butI– Look, it’s _my room too,_ ” he insisted, and he jabbed a thumb at his chest just to emphasise that. “I shouldn’t _have to._ Why…” He shook his head at Hiro, who peered up at him curiously. “I don’t understand why you’re fighting me on this, Hiro, I _really_ don’t…”

And then the conversation took a turn that put a twist in his gut.

“I don’t care if you hear me. Or watch,” Hiro said, in a voice so calm and even that anyone would think he were talking about literally anything else. “I don’t care if _you_ wanna masturbate in the room. I wouldn’t stop you.”

Tadashi’s jaw dropped open. It actually just… _dropped,_ of its own accord. While his brain worked furiously, trying to figure out if his little brother was just having him on in the _grossest_ way yet, or if he was _actually_ … so _eerily_ comfortable with all of this. Where were his _boundaries?_

“I…” He couldn’t even find the words. He opened his mouth and all that came out were small, choked noises. “Wh… Ca…”

Hiro got bored of him. He heaved a great sigh and pulled himself back up and patted his brother twice on the shoulder. “Good talk, bro,” he drawled as he padded over to his computer and switched it on and got straight to work.

Tadashi didn’t exactly know how long he spent gaping at the back of Hiro’s busy little head. Two minutes, five minutes? However long it was, it was _too long._

What the hell was _wrong_ with his little brother?

 

Tadashi didn’t mention it again. He was too afraid to. He avoided all topics even _remotely_ related to masturbation like full-on taboo, and he shut his divider every night before bed and kept his music player charged and plugged into the wall at all times. He threw out his old earbuds and bought a new pair of choice noise-cancelling headphones. Tadashi had hoped that that would be the end of that, and that sometime soon Hiro would come to his senses and realise just how _creepy_ he’d been acting and would cut it out. Oh how he’d hoped.

But the phase didn’t pass. If anything, it got worse.

No, it _definitely_ got worse.

Now Hiro didn’t even wait until his brother had gone to bed before he started. He would just turn off his computer all of a sudden – quite a feat for a kid who spent more of his time in front of screens than he did actually sleeping – and then he’d slink off to the bathroom for a few seconds and then crawl off into bed. And sometimes, if Tadashi wasn’t paying close enough attention, it was those _sounds_ that tipped him off first and not the tell-tale movement of hands under the sheets.

Tadashi had had enough. He slammed his book shut one night at _seven –_ barely an _hour_ after dinner – and he glared at his brother’s writhing, jolting form under the blankets. By doing this, Hiro was forcing Tadashi to either leave the room or go to bed, and Tadashi couldn’t do _either_ because he had things to do. He had assignments to complete. He had tests to study for. He couldn’t continue to let Hiro pleasure himself whenever the hell he wanted, leaving Tadashi to organise his life around his… his… _uncontrollable habits._

He stormed over to Hiro’s bed. He slapped him on the head and an annoyed whine rose from the mass of blankets. Hiro’s eyes appeared over the top, dark and lidded. _“What,”_ he said, muffled.

“It’s _seven.”_

“So?”

 _“So.”_ Tadashi threw an arm out to point to their shared bathroom. “If you want to do that, then _go in there.”_

“No way,” Hiro protested. “It’s cold in there.”

Tadashi gritted his teeth. This wasn’t happening. This wasn’t a normal thing that happened to brothers, surely. “I am working on a very important report that is due in just five days–”

“Plenty of time then,” Hiro cut in, chuckling.

Tadashi glared at him. Yeah, because he was so obviously in the mood for jokes right now.

“I am _not_ leaving this room. _You_ have to leave.”

“Why?” Hiro pulled the sheets down so that they were just under his chin to show off a broad smirk. It made him look so… sinister. “Do I distract you?”

“Honestly, you disturb me.”

Hiro laughed, but he didn’t say anything. He didn’t make any attempts to move, and Tadashi wasn’t about to grab him and drag him out of his bed. Hiro smiled smug at him like he was well aware of that fact. He locked eyes with his older brother and fixed him with a gaze so intense that it made Tadashi’s blood chill.

“I’m doing it right now, you know,” Hiro murmured, and Tadashi’s eyes dropped to the to-and-fro motions of the sheets at his crotch.

 _Fuck the report_ , Tadashi told himself. He threw up his arms and with an incensed cry he turned to leave the room.

He didn’t return for the rest of the night.

 

He tried appealing to Aunt Cass about possibly sleeping somewhere– anywhere, other than the attic. He knew space was tight, and the garage got _cold,_ and comfortably sleeping out in the lounge on the small sofas was… _optimistic_ at best, but still he tried. He tried hard enough that it made Aunt Cass sit him down and seriously ask him _why_ he wanted to move out of the attic all of a sudden. And did it have anything to do with Hiro.

Tadashi couldn’t tell her what had been going on with Hiro, mostly because not even _he_ knew himself what had been going on with Hiro. He didn’t want to… confuse or disturb her, in the same way Hiro had done to him. She looked worried, and he didn’t want to worry her.

So he told her to forget about it. He’d just been asking.

She mentioned dryly as he started to walk away that he was a grown man now, and he could always move out and get his _own_ place if he needed more space.

Tadashi thought that that was not such a bad idea.

 

He was in the lounge, browsing for cheap flats downtown on his laptop. It was late enough now that Aunt Cass’ shows had finished and she’d gone to bed about an hour ago, while he continued to stay up and played whatever was on TV like a silent film with the volume turned way, way down. He had a blanket and a pillow with him, just in case he ‘fell asleep’ before making it back to his own bed. At least that’s what he’d tell Aunt Cass when she found him still there the next morning.

For a kid who was usually so clumsy and uncoordinated, Hiro had come down the stairs like a mouse. Tadashi had had no idea how long Hiro had been standing over his shoulder, reading whatever searches came up on his screen, until Hiro suddenly blurted, _“you’re moving out?”_ and scared the living daylights out of him. He jumped so hard he’d almost tossed his laptop into the air.

As his heart thumped in his chest, and he tried to tell his body that there was no danger and it was just a scare and everything was fine, Hiro came around to sit on the coffee table in front of Tadashi. He stared up at his older brother with crinkled, sombre eyes and a confused tug on his mouth. Like he didn’t understand. Like he felt betrayed.

“You’re moving out?” he repeated in a small voice.

For all that Tadashi didn’t exactly _like_ Hiro these days, he could still acknowledge that it was a terrible way to find out. He should’ve mentioned it to Hiro sooner.

“I… Maybe,” Tadashi conceded, and Hiro’s mouth opened just that little bit more. _“Maybe._ I don’t know.” He ran a hand over his tired face and yawned. What time was it even? _God,_ it was late. “I’m just looking at the moment. Scoping out the market and all that.”

“You want to leave our home?” Hiro asked, and Tadashi wanted to tell him don’t _say_ it like that, in such a heart-breaking way. “Is it because of me?”

Tadashi breathed. He stared at his little brother. He wanted to say _yes_ without actually having to _say it_ and end up sounding like a complete asshole. But it was the truth. He was just too polite.

“I think… it would be better,” Tadashi said, quiet and slow and clear, “if you and I didn’t share a bedroom anymore. You’re a teenager now. You clearly need your own space.”

Hiro grimaced. He appraised Tadashi, like he thought he was insane. “I don’t _need_ space!”

Tadashi sighed. “Fine then, _I_ need space,” he mumbled, turning his attention back to his laptop and the lists of available flats.

Hiro slammed the lid down so sudden and so fiercely that he almost caught Tadashi’s fingers in it.

Tadashi shot him a furious look. _“Hiro,”_ he hissed.

 _“Tadashi.”_ Hiro picked up the laptop and tossed it aside so that he could put his hands on Tadashi’s knees and _squeeze_ them until his brother winced. “I… I know things have been really weird with me lately. I’m sorry. If you just give me a chance, I promise none of that stuff will happen again. Please.” Tadashi heard him shallow. Like his mouth was dry. “Please? Please don’t go? I like having you around. I _want_ you around. _Please_ don’t go.”

Tadashi groaned. But he thought about it. He took in every note of Hiro’s urgent insistence to keep his older brother with him – he was practically _pleading_ him not to leave. And Tadashi realised that he just _couldn’t_ , not when this was how his little brother reacted. Even if he’d wanted to. And he _had_ wanted to, but…

He couldn’t say no to that face.

Tadashi sighed, poorly concealing a smile, and he promised, “I won’t go if you don’t want me to, buddy,” and he felt his insides light up like a Christmas tree to watch his brother grin, relieved and grateful. He almost bowled Hiro over with a hug, which quickly turned into a headlock and a noogie that had Hiro laughing and protesting so loud that it got Aunt Cass out of bed.

He made Hiro promise him. No more weird stuff.

Hiro smirked. “No more weird stuff,” he promised.

Oh how he wished Hiro could’ve kept his promises. _Of course_ that wasn’t the end of the weird stuff.

It wasn’t even close.

 

It was only three days later when he next caught his brother masturbating.

The sheets had been kicked down by his feet. Hiro’s legs were completely bare. No modesty. And it was happening on his bed. The wrong bed.

 _Tadashi’s_ bed.

Tadashi didn’t even know how to react. He’d been so, so utterly unprepared to walk in on such a thing after a long day of classes. He stared longer than he wanted to. It was the shock, he told himself. The very _nanosecond_ it clicked just what was happening on _his bed,_ he wanted to simultaneously turn himself away and walk out the door and never come back, and he also wanted to grab Hiro by the shoulders and shake him until his neck broke because _what the hell was WRONG with him?_

Instead, he did nothing. He continued to let the shock freeze him in place and hold his gaze hostage, and Hiro was clearly in the _throes_ of ecstasy, but he wasn’t so far gone that he hadn’t noticed someone standing there, staring at him.

It almost would’ve all been OK, in Tadashi’s eyes, if Hiro had… done something. If he had screamed or cussed – even though Tadashi _hated_ it when Hiro cussed – and yelled at Tadashi to get out and scrambled to cover himself up. Something like that. _Anything_. Because that would’ve been a natural, normal response to the situation.

But Hiro did nothing like that.

He didn’t even stop stroking himself.

He stared right at his brother – with his red, red cheeks and his hazy, lidded eyes and his little gapped front teeth pulling his bottom lip into his mouth – and… he _smiled._ Like it was a game. Like he’d been caught, and it was _cute_ and not at all…

Horrifying.

They were stuck there, in that deadlock, for several long and agonising seconds before one of them moved. Tadashi bolted for the bathroom with a hand over his mouth, because he couldn’t be sure that he wasn’t going to be _sick._

All through the rest of the day, as he busied himself with schoolwork and hid away in the garage, he couldn’t stop himself from wondering if Hiro would’ve _ever_ stopped if he hadn’t left. If he would’ve just kept going until he…

Tadashi shivered. The thought of watching Hiro watching _him_ as he orgasmed was just…

It was too much.

 

When he returned to his bed the next day – only once he _definitely_ knew that Hiro was out of the house – he felt sick. His blankets had been pulled back up to the pillow but they were all askew and dishevelled, because Hiro still didn’t know how to properly make a bed yet. And, Tadashi couldn’t be absolutely _sure,_ but he thought that his bed looked… _slept-in._

Tadashi wouldn’t have put it past his _creepy_ brother to have slept in his bed after doing _that._

Either way, he bundled up all of his blankets and shoved them into the washing machine for an extra-long, extra-hot wash.

 

Tadashi didn’t know what to say. He passed his brother on the stairs and moved around the kitchen with him and shared a lot of the same spaces as him, but he had no idea what to even _say_ to Hiro anymore. The boy still murmured drowsy ‘hey’s in the morning and lazy ‘goodnight’s in the evenings, like… like he wasn’t even _aware_ of the things that he did. Like he could actually _live_ with himself, and still look Tadashi in the eye, even after _everything_ he’d done while his older brother was right _there…_

This wasn’t normal. Tadashi reminded himself every day that _this was not normal._

He wondered if he should start hunting for flats again.

 

On the rare occasion that Hiro would work himself to exhaustion in the garage, Tadashi would safely return to the attic and quickly make up his bed with some _fresh_ sheets and settle down onto that soft, spacious mattress with a contented sigh. He _missed_ his bed, as crazy as it was. He only got to sleep in it about once a week now, if that. No more lumpy couches or air mattresses that were just deflated mats by the morning. No– today he got to sleep in his _real_ bed, and he nodded off no more than five minutes after he’d switched his light off. His sleep was warm, uninterrupted, ache-free bliss.

It was just too bad that he couldn’t have enjoyed it alone.

He’d thought it was only a dream. He sometimes had those sorts of dreams, where someone – a pretty lady most of the time – slipped into his bed with him and put their arms around him and breathed into his neck. He liked those kinds of dreams. They made him feel warm and loved, and he relished the sensations, no matter how _real_ they felt.

But by the time his alarm went off and he came awake, he realised that something was wrong. It felt _too_ real.

The divider. His eyes bugged at it.

It was wide open.

There was a small movement from behind him and instantly he knew exactly what was touching him and where. There was a small, warm chest pressed to his back, an arm draped over his waist. A leg over both of his. A weary, throaty groan at the back of his neck.

And then a nudge.

“Turn your stupid alarm off already.”

Tadashi shot out of bed so fast that he ended up dragging his brother halfway with him. He flung himself onto his feet and Hiro spilled out after him, falling gracelessly to the floor with a loud _thud_ and pained whinges.

It filled Tadashi with a nauseous kind of dread to see that his brother was only in his boxes.

He didn’t hold back. He yelled at Hiro, “What the hellare you doing in my _bed?”_

He looked on in disbelief as Hiro raised his head and mumbled something incoherent and felt around for some sheets to hoist himself back up onto his knees. But Tadashi wasn’t going to wait for Hiro to get _comfortable;_ he needed an answer now, right now. He needed an answer several seconds ago. But he wasn’t getting any answers.

He gaped to see that his little brother was trying to _get_ _back into his bed._

Tadashi seized him by the arm and pulled him back, shoving him out of his space. “Oh no you _don’t_. What the hell do you think you’re doing? Huh? Why were you in my bed? How– _ugh.”_ He’d been going to ask how long Hiro had been there, but suddenly he _really_ didn’t want to know. “And where are your _clothes?_ … _Answer me,_ Hiro.”

Hiro gazed up at him moodily, his chin down in something almost like resentment. “Dash,” he mumbled. “I was just sleeping beside you… I always used to do that.”

“That… That was a _long_ time ago,” Tadashi exclaimed. “You haven’t done that since you were still a _kid._ ”

“So what’s the difference now?”

Tadashi stared at him. He couldn’t believe for a moment that he even had to _answer_ that.

“You’re not a _kid_ anymore, Hiro. You’re a teenager. You don’t… You shouldn’t _need_ to sleep in your brother’s bed anymore.”

“I didn’t do it because I needed to,” Hiro denied, taking a defiant step forward. “I did it because I wanted to.”

Tadashi didn’t understand him. He made that much clear on his face.

“…Hiro, you said that this… the weird stuff would end.” His expression turned pleading. His voice now light, calmer. “You _promised_ me.”

Hiro glanced down. He swallowed. He was quiet for a while, as if he were thinking…

Whatever it was he wanted to say, he was taking too long to say it. And Tadashi’s patience with him was wearing too thin.

“If you don’t stop doing things like this,” he warned, “then I definitely will be moving out. That’s a promise.”

He walked around his brother and left the room.

 

Tadashi spent an entire afternoon taking apart his bed and reassembling it in the garage downstairs. He told Aunt Cass not to ask when she caught him and, mercifully, she didn’t. She just let him move his things around as he pleased, and he politely refused her offers of assistance. And carefully avoided any and all eye contact with his brother.

He went upstairs now only to retrieve whatever it was he needed, whether it was an old textbook, or some of his warmer clothes as the winter drew nearer, or to print out a hard copy of his assignment. If he didn’t need something immediately, then he didn’t go up at all.

Hiro wasn’t always in the room when he ventured inside, but he often was. He was almost always seated before his computer. Whenever he heard Tadashi walk in, he swivelled around in his chair to stare at him. He sometimes tried to start a conversation. But Tadashi rarely was in the mood to engage him.

One night Tadashi was up to get some more lead for his mechanical pencils. He pushed through the door, barely taking stock of the fact that it was less ajar than usual, and he walked straight in without pause. He went over to his desk, grabbed the capsule of lead, and turned to go.

He stopped dead in his tracks.

Hiro did a lot of things on his computer. He browsed sites, played games, watched films, did some coding, made some models…

And now he was watching pornography.

Tadashi didn’t want to know. He just got what he came for and fled the room as quick as he could, raising a hand to shield his eyes from the… rather explicit scene so flagrantly displayed on Hiro’s monitor. He was just sorry he didn’t have enough hands to shield his ears from the _ridiculous_ noises, and he slammed the door behind him.

He tried not to think about how many times a _day_ Hiro must’ve been masturbating. It wasn’t normal. _Nothing_ about this was normal.

Normal was just a distant, fond memory now.

 

He was in the garage, on his bed and bundled up in a thick blanket. For all that he’d tried to block the gap between the concrete floor and the garage door, chilly breezes still found their way in through the cracks somehow. But it was a particularly cold night. He was huddled by an old oil heater, and he had the warmth of his running laptop on his legs, and it was _just_ enough to keep him toasty. He thought to himself that he really should’ve invested in some hot water bottles. Or perhaps an electric blanket.

He jumped at a clank. It sounded as if it had come from outside… Hm.

He ignored it.

There it was again. It was coming from the garage door; Tadashi actually witnessed it rattle a little, and it sure as hell wasn’t the wind. Someone was out there, trying to break in.

Tadashi got to his feet just as garage door pulled open with an electric hum. Who did he see standing there but his own brother, smiling wide and sheepish.

“H-Hey bro,” he said, taking a few steps inside. Every inch of him was racked with shivers. He grit his teeth like he were trying to prevent them from chattering. “H-How’s it going? Been a while since I’ve s-seen you.”

Tadashi exhaled noisily. He walked over and slammed a fist over the button to close the garage door. “You’re letting all the heat escape, genius,” he muttered, making his way back to his bed. “Did you want something?” he asked offhandedly, throwing an arm out to gesture the more advanced equipment they kept in the garage.

“What…? Oh. No, no,” Hiro said, following Tadashi over to his little makeshift bedroom corner. He stood over the heater and warmed his hands on it. “I was just… around. Wanted to see how you’re finding it down here.”

“Cold,” Tadashi answered promptly.

Hiro laughed. “ _Yeah,_ it’s cold tonight… You know you could… always come back upstairs, if it ever got too cold down here.” He stared at him with wide eyes. He shrugged. “It’s a lot warmer upstairs, I mean.”

Tadashi scoffed. “Well, thanks for your concern, but my bed is already down here. I’d rather be comfortable than a bit cold.”

“You can have my bed,” Hiro offered, and Tadashi fixed him with an unimpressed stare. “What? I’m not joking – you really can have it.”

Tadashi groaned tiredly and rubbed at his temples with one hand. He _knew_ Hiro wasn’t joking. _“No thanks,”_ he said. He couldn’t imagine– he didn’t _want_ to imagine how uncomfortable it would be. After what Hiro did so often now. He _shivered._

“Still cold?”

Hiro sat beside him, on his bed. He sat rather close. He pulled one corner of the blanket over his shoulder and leaned around to pull the other corner over Tadashi’s shoulder. He pressed his arm up against Tadashi’s, his thigh too.

“Better?” Hiro asked.

There was no change in Tadashi’s expression. “Much,” he said, sarcastic, but Hiro must not have heard it.

Hiro picked up the remote and turned the small television on. He flipped through channels, swinging his feet a little, until he found a film with _way_ too much violence for a thirteen year-old, but Tadashi didn’t have it in him to tell his little brother to watch something else. Tadashi _wished_ that the only problematic thing Hiro did was watch rated films. But if it kept him preoccupied then Tadashi didn’t care. He happily let Hiro sit there and watch while he continued to study for his test next week.

But Hiro didn’t sit still for long.

And Tadashi almost thought himself an _idiot_ for not seeing it coming. For not just shooing Hiro out when he still had the opportunity.

Tadashi didn’t know what the time was, but it must’ve been _late,_ because when he next looked up at the television to have a stretch, Hiro wasn’t watching sword fights and gunplay anymore. It was boobs and asses and _sex._

Tadashi made a big show of being absolutely disgusted by the content. “Give me that,” he griped, reaching for the remote in Hiro’s hand, but Hiro snatched it away before he could even touch it.

“No way,” Hiro cried, eyes alight as he stared at the screen. “I _love_ this movie. We’re just getting to the good part!”

Tadashi wasn’t doing this with him. He just wasn’t.

“Hiro, give me the remote,” he demanded, reaching over him for it, but Hiro held it up and away, far out of his reach now, even as his arm strained for it. Irritation flared right through him then because little brothers were so _annoying._ _“I’m not playing around,”_ he warned angrily, leaning further and further over him until he collapsed on top of Hiro, and the remote went shooting across the room.

Tadashi growled as he tried to pull himself up, but something wasn’t letting him. _Hiro_ wasn’t letting him. He had his arms wrapped around Tadashi’s neck and his legs around his waist and he was _holding him_ there, _over_ him.

He stared darkly into Hiro’s too-close mischievous eyes, frowning deep and furious. “Hiro,” he started, hoping that he wouldn’t need to ask, but apparently he did, because his brother only smiled wider. _“Hiro.”_ His teeth were gritted. _“Let. Me. Go.”_

Hiro squinted his eyes and rolled them up and hummed, like he was thinking about it. And then he returned his gaze to Tadashi, shaking his head a no. He smirked, like he thought he was being so _cute_ right now. Tadashi thought his little brother was _many things_ in that moment _,_ but _cute_ was not one of them.

He couldn’t fight his brother’s pull. The awkward position of his knees failed to keep him up, and he fell flat against his brother, crushing him. He cussed lightly, and he heard Hiro’s breath hitch in his throat. He felt Hiro’s arms curve all the way around his shoulders and grip and _tighten_ , like unbreakable straps.

He was trapped there. He was literally _trapped,_ and now Tadashi wasn’t so fuming with Hiro anymore.

He was scared.

He craned his neck back as far it could go without causing a severe amount of pain. Hiro’s face was right there, too close– _much_ too close. He couldn’t even breathe any air that Hiro hadn’t breathed already. His little brother was wearing such a calm, piercing, faintly curious look that made it so distressingly clear to Tadashi that _none_ of this was an accident. This was all so purposeful.

Right from the start, everything _creepy_ Hiro had ever done, it had all been on purpose.

Tadashi couldn’t even _breathe,_ let alone speak. But his frantic, searching eyes were _screaming_ with his confusion, his revulsion. Why couldn’t Hiro _read them?_

Eventually Hiro spoke, and Tadashi felt his breath on his own face.

“Dash, I love you. I _love you.”_

His insides jerked and twisted with discomfort. His natural response was to say _I love you too_ but that was _not_ appropriate here. He knew what Hiro meant. And it didn’t mean the same thing as when Tadashi said it.

Hiro didn’t just love him. Hiro was _in_ love with him.

All Tadashi could think in that moment was how could this have _happened?_

They were _brothers._ Hiro had known his brother his entire life and Tadashi might as well have. He could still faintly remember the day he first took his baby brother into his arms and helped carry him home from the hospital. He had too many memories of raising his little brother and watching him grow and helping him grow up _well–_ there were just too many to count. He was first and foremost a _brother._ Brothers weren’t supposed to fall in love with each other in such close quarters, not when they had spent most of their lives together. It just wasn’t _normal_ … It just didn’t _happen._

Except that maybe it did.

Maybe there were exceptions.

As much as Tadashi wanted to tell his brother to _stop_ and pry him off and throw him _away,_ because every inch of him was still _reeling_ with an unfamiliar disgust, he was stillHiro’s big brother. He wasn’t going to just… abandon him. He was going to help him through this.

“Let me go,” Tadashi asked with as little exhales as possible. “So I can talk to you.”

Hiro appeared to consider it. But he didn’t let him, not yet. “Do you love me too?”

“Hiro…”

There was a flash of something like hesitation or uncertainty in Hiro’s eyes, and then they closed. Tadashi kept his own open and wide as he ran out of space to move his head and he was forced to bear the pursed press of his little brother’s lips against his own. It hadn’t been the first time Hiro had kissed him, but… it wasn’t innocent anymore. It wasn’t fun and joking. It was his _little brother,_ who wasn’t even that _little_ anymore, and it was a physical testament of his love– the _wrong_ kind of love.

He broke the kiss by turning his head off to the side and Hiro’s lips bumped his cheek. And then they didn’t. Tadashi could just _feel_ Hiro take it as a snub of his affections, and– Hiro was still his _brother,_ and every little hurt he suffered still hurt him too.

This was all such unfamiliar territory. It was so hard to navigate.

It was easier to talk when his head was turned away. He shut his eyes so he couldn’t see that pathetic kicked-puppy look that had entered Hiro’s eyes and he swallowed. His hands and arms were shaking, still fighting him, but Hiro never let up on his grip. “Hiro, _please,”_ he begged. “You can let me go – I’m not going to run away from you. I want to talk about this.”

Hiro wasn’t letting him go. “Why don’t you love me,” he asked, and his voice sounded so full of tears that Tadashi thought it might just put a crack right through his heart.

“Hiro, I _do_ love you– as a brother.” He paused. He let that sink in. “I don’t love you like that… OK? You’re my _brother._ You’re family. You’re not… supposed to feel this way, about me.”

“But I _do,”_ Hiro insisted. “I’ve felt this way about you for like a _year_ now.”

Tadashi gaped.

_“A year?”_

“It’s only recently that I started to… _really_ love you and, I nearly always thought about you when I–“

“OK stop,” Tadashi cut him off sharply. He already knew where that sentence was headed and he didn’t need Hiro to say it. Hearing it aloud would only make him feel ten times more vile and slimy than he already felt. “I… I think you might be confused, Hiro. I think you might be… misdirecting… your feelings, a-and your recent urges–“

“I’m not _confused_ , Dash,” Hiro laughed, light but also with a note of frustration. “I know how I feel about you. I _love_ you. I… I _want_ you.”

Tadashi jolted as he felt his little brother give his hips a little rock. They pressed up against his own and Tadashi desperately flailed his legs to get some stable ground, so he could pull himself _away_ and put some _much_ needed distance between him and his brother. Tadashi stammered at him to _stop_ but Hiro just did it again, rougher and harder this time, rolling his hips up, and he actually _moaned–_

Tadashi’s fingers found whatever flesh of Hiro’s they could and they _pinched_ until Hiro was shrieking with pain, and his arms unravelled from around Tadashi’s waist. The second they did, Tadashi jumped up off the bed and swiftly crossed the floor. He stood by the garage door, panting, thankful for the cold breeze he couldn’t keep out to cool him off.

He loved his little brother. But not enough to let himself be assaulted by him.

He needed a minute. He _really_ needed a minute, but Hiro wasn’t going to let him have one. Hiro pursued him, his face red and indignant, and Tadashi raised both his hands in a _back off_ motion.

“What the _hell,”_ Hiro yelled.

“Hiro, please just–“ One of his hands connected with Hiro’s head. He held Hiro at bay for as long as he could but Hiro didn’t fall for that trick anymore – hadn’t done in years – and he ducked out of it and had Tadashi backed right up against the cold metal door. “Let’s just talk,” he pleaded, his voice shaking.

“Why did you _pinch me?”_

“To make you _stop.”_

_“Why?”_

Tadashi stared at his little brother incredulously. This didn’t even _seem_ like Hiro anymore.

“I… I _can’t,_ Hiro,” he cried, overwhelmed. “You understand that, don’t you?” He neededHiro to understand that. “We can’t… _be_ together. I mean, aside from being _brothers,_ you’re only thirteen! I’m _eighteen._ You don’t _get_ that _I could go to prison_ for even… just… _humouring_ you. You’re a _child._ You’re my brother, and you’re a _child.”_

He took a deep breath because at some point breathing had become too difficult to keep track of. He didn’t like the way Hiro was staring at him now, unforgiving and cruel. But it was still preferable to some other looks his little brother had given him that night. Hungry looks.

“I am not a _child,”_ Hiro refuted, his hands balling up into fists. Like it was a touchy subject, and Tadashi should’ve known better. “I am a _teenager._ And I’ve already finished high school. I’m practically your intellectual equal.”

“OK, fine,” Tadashi conceded uneasily. He slid his back along the garage door to get out from underneath Hiro’s intense glare, but Hiro only followed him, still blocking every exit, and Tadashi couldn’t ever recall a time where he was _this_ intimidated by his little brother. “But emotionally– _physically,_ you _aren’t.”_

Hiro spat a noise like a _tch._ Like he thought those details were just technicalities.

“Come _on,”_ Hiro groaned, taking a step forward, and Tadashi didn’t have any room to take a step back. “I wouldn’t _tell anyone_. That would just be stupid. It would be like, our secret. We already sleep in the same room, or at least we _did_. Who’s gonna know?”

He still didn’t understand. Tadashi didn’t know how he could’ve made it any clearer.

But still he had to try.

“I don’t _feel_ that way about you,” he cried. God, he felt so _exhausted._ All of this stresswas just beating away at him and it was already so _late._ “Why is this so hard for you to understand? There’s… absolutely _nothing_ you can do to convince me. This is _wrong,_ Hiro. This is just several levels of _wrong._ Even if you _weren’t_ my brother– even if you weren’t _years_ younger than me– I’m not _gay._ I… I just…”

He shook his head, utterly helpless. He didn’t know what else he could say. He didn’t want to talk about it ever again; the sooner they could put it behind them and move on, the better. Only now he was starting to wonder if Hiro could _ever_ do that. If their relationship would ever be what it used to be, or if Tadashi would always hesitate now just to hug him, because he’d always go back to thinking about this night and all the _preposterous_ things Hiro had done and said…

The thought that he’d never be able to touch his little brother again with such ease and affection because of this night _hurt._

 _“Please,_ Hiro,” he pleaded again, just broken whispers now. “Please understand, I… I’m going to move out. I _have_ to move out. I can’t stay here while… with things are as they are now. I…” He stared at his little brother. He saw Hiro frame the word _no_ on his lips before he’d even said it. “I have to _go._ ”

“No…” Hiro looked devastated. “No, _wait–_ Tadashi, _don’t!_ ”

Hiro threw his arms around his older brother’s neck and pulled him down for a hug. The corners of Tadashi’s lips pulled down miserably as he realised like a knife to the stomach that it _did_ feel weird. Part of him still didn’t want to even be in direct contact with his brother at all. Even if things _did_ somehow get back to the way they used to be, it… could’ve still taken a while.

Oh God. His heart pummelled right through the floor, right to the centre of the earth. Hiro was _crying_ now. He sobbed into Tadashi’s neck and clung to him trembling, and Tadashi winced to feel warm tears on his cool skin. He brought up a hand to pat Hiro on the back, the gesture now feeling so… detached. Meaningless. Insincere.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I… I have to go.”

 _“No,”_ Hiro whimpered at him, and Tadashi closed his eyes. He swallowed. Why was Hiro making this so hard? It was already so hard. He didn’t _want_ to leave.

But he had to.

“ _Dash, no– don’t leave me.”_

“You just… You need some time, Hiro. Time away from me. Before you end up doing something you’ll regret.”

“I’ll _change,”_ Hiro insisted, and Tadashi steeled himself. He remained strong. He wasn’t going to fall for it again. “I’ll change, I’ll change, I won’t do anything like this ever again and I’ll stop– I _swear_ to you, Dash, you _don’t need to leave.”_

More empty promises.

“You said that last time,” Tadashi reminded him softly. “You promised me.”

“This time I _mean it.”_

 _This time._ Tadashi actually scoffed. “I _know_ you, Hiro Hamada. You break promises. You break them all the time. They mean as little to you as…” He gulped, “boundaries do… Look, if I stay here then this is just gonna _escalate_ and get out of control and…”

He pulled Hiro gently away and Hiro for once actually let him. He bent a little to be eye-level with his teary-eyed brother. He looked so miserable. He looked like he’d genuinely just had his heart broken by the first love of his life, and Tadashi managed to look past how _creepy_ it all was for just a second to see how sad it all was.

But only for a second.

“I’m your big brother. I want to keep _being_ your big brother. And I love you so much. Which is why this _needs to happen_ and I need to get my own place for a while _._ And then you’ll grow out of this… whatever it is. This phase. And you’ll move on and you’ll find someone you can _actually_ love, and… you and me, we’ll go back to being the best bros in the universe. We’ll pretend this never happened. Everything will be normal again. Yeah?” He tried a smile on Hiro and it seemed to be working. The flow of tears appeared to have been stemmed, at least. “How does that sound?”

Hiro stood with that characteristic stubborn refusal and a reluctant pout for a few seconds. And then something happened. Reason and logic and _understanding_ seemed to overcome him and make him falter and eventually change his mind. He heaved a sad sigh and gave a sad nod and Tadashi _wanted_ to kiss him – just a peck on his forehead – but it just would’ve been too painful for the both of them right now. Maybe in a year or two it would all be OK again, and they’d both be OK again.

In the meantime, he settled for a heartfelt smile and a fist bump instead.

“Thanks, buddy,” he said.

 

Hiro didn’t help Tadashi move out. Whenever Tadashi entered the room, Hiro would always find an excuse to walk out mere seconds later. And he wouldn’t always come back.

It was a weird feeling. On the one hand Tadashi was _relieved_ that Hiro was taking the initiative to distance himself from him, but on the other… watching his little brother walk away from him as soon as he laid eyes on him left him feeling so _cold,_ and empty, and just a little bit monstrous for not even attempting to run after him.

In time, he told himself. Everything would get better again with time.

Everything would be normal between them again.

He at least got a proper hug and a kiss from Aunt Cass. Hiro was mysteriously absent when it was finally time for Tadashi to follow the moving van to his new flat downtown, and he told his aunt to give Hiro a great big smooch from him, when he next reappeared.

She hooted with laughter and said only that she’d _try_ as she waved him off into the city.

 

Three to four years passed. Tadashi had his degree, but he’d been approached by a few of his professors regarding post-graduate study already, and he suddenly doubted that that was going to be the extent of his higher education. He thought he might’ve had another few revolutionary creations inside him yet.

The only thing was, it was going to be a _hell_ of a lot more expensive than the previous years. And the workload was going to be a _lot_ more full-on too. He didn’t really want to be paying for a flat when he’d really only need someplace to _sleep._

He wondered if maybe… maybe it was time he could return to the café.

He hadn’t seen Hiro in a while. At least not in person. He had the occasional video call with Aunt Cass when he was too busy to make it to dinner, and rarely would he spot what definitely looked by now like a sullen teenager, moving about in the background, sometimes pausing to stare over Aunt Cass’ shoulder.

Tadashi always waved at him. But Hiro never waved back.

He’d talked to his little brother even less. Every now and again when he found the time to pop around to the café for a sit-down dinner and a proper home-cooked meal, he sat next to Hiro and asked him about life. Hiro gave only curt, perfunctory answers, when he didn’t just shrug or let Aunt Cass answer for him. Tadashi hadn’t ever really fully appreciated the saying ‘like drawing blood from a stone’ until those dinners. But he hoped that maybe their brief and forced interactions could be over now.

Tadashi had the weekend free. His lease was about to expire. He thought he’d test the waters.

He called up Aunt Cass and asked when was a good time to come around for dinner.

 

He drove to the Lucky Cat café around five o’clock on a Sunday, just after the café had closed for the day. He walked straight in and Aunt Cass welcomed him back just as warmly as she always did.

They ascended the stairs together, giving each other small updates on their lives and talking animatedly. They came into the kitchen where various pots steamed and bubbled from the stove top, and the oven window burned bright, and Tadashi couldn’t help but take a good whiff and exclaim that dinner smelled _good._

There was a small table set for three, but the third diner was nowhere in sight.

“Is Hiro around?” he asked.

“Oh sweetie, he’s probably still in his bedroom on that computer of his.” She tutted as she moved between the oven and the stove, stirring this and prodding that. She said nonchalantly, “feel free to check in on him and see if he hasn’t passed out from exhaustion or dehydration yet.”

Tadashi didn’t know whether to chuckle or not. It could’ve happened.

She told him to be down again in approximately twenty minutes and to take his brother with him, and Tadashi promised he would. He climbed the stairs to the attic space, feeling a knot tighten in his stomach. He hadn’t seen his brother in so long. He’d talked to him even less. In fact, he didn’t think he’d ever _really_ talked with Hiro ever since… well.

The door was open. “Knock, knock?” he said, announcing his presence, cautiously sticking his head through. He looked for Hiro but it was hard to find _anything_. The room was so _messy_ now, since Tadashi had been gone. Hiro’s trash had just seemed to pile up and spill out to the very edges of the room throughout the time he’d become the sole dweller. Not a lot of it was _recent_ trash, either. Even the small portion of the room Tadashi had always managed to keep separate and clean and tidy had been overtaken by a tidal wave of _junk_.

He wanted to get mad, but he supposed he had no reason to be. He’d left after all.

He spotted his brother sitting on his bed, tapping away at a handheld console. He’d been so still and quiet that he’d just blended straight in with the rest of the room.

“Hiro?” Tadashi smiled as he walked over. He came to stand right next to him but Hiro barely reacted. “Hey, buddy. Long time, no see. How’s it going?”

Hiro took so long to answer; Tadashi almost thought that the silent treatment was _still_ going. “Fine,” he eventually said in a monotone. “And you?”

Tadashi was relieved. He didn’t even want to think about what he would’ve done if Hiro had refused to talk to him.

He grabbed a seat at the end of Hiro’s bed. He shrugged, acting modest. “I just graduated from nerd school.”

“Wow.” Hiro didn’t look up from his game. He didn’t even turn down the volume. “Good for you.”

“Yeah… Yeah, it’s great, isn’t it? I’m thinking I might take up some post-grad study there –”

Hiro scoffed. “Figures,” he murmured. “You just can’t stay away, can you.”

Tadashi smiled. He could see that Hiro’s hard features were starting to soften, whether he’d meant them to or not. “What can I say? I’m the biggest nerd who ever lived.”

“Yeah you are.”

He smiled a little wider. He couldn’t really have imagined their reunion going any better than this. He took in the sight of Hiro for just a few moments of what he hoped was a companionable silence and not an awkward one. Hiro hadn’t changed all that much over the years. His hair was just as outgrown and shaggy; he still dressed like being presentable and clean was just an afterthought; and his face looked a lot less round and pink, less like a child’s. He looked and acted exactly how Tadashi had expected a seventeen year-old Hiro to turn out.

He cleared his throat. He decided to just ask. It was better not to draw out the uncertainty unnecessarily.

“So, uh… speaking of going back to SFIT… It’ll be a lot of work. Expensive, too. I… I haven’t talked about it with Aunt Cass yet, but I thought I’d better check with you first…” He’d been hoping that Hiro would understand the gravity of the situation now and turn off the game. But Hiro only gave him a small and wary glance. Tadashi made his voice soft and quiet and not at all presumptuous. “I’d like to stay here again, for a year or so. If that was OK with you.”

Tadashi didn’t get a meaningful indication or any reassurance that things were alright between him and his brother again, after all that _weirdness_ that occurred several years ago. All Hiro gave him was a shrug and a flippant, “do what you like.”

Tadashi pressed him for a clearer response. “I mean, you’d hardly ever see me. Unless, you _wanted_ to, of course. But… how about staying in this room again?” He pointed to the corner where his little bedroom used to be that was just empty space and trashed floorsnow. “Would… would that be too much?”

Hiro made a closed-mouth groan like he was bored and frustrated. Tadashi couldn’t tell whether it was with _him_ or the game he’d been playing. He closed the lid of his handheld and chucked it aside and gazed up at Tadashi with dull eyes. “Why,” he asked, jerking his hands and shaking his head. But Tadashi didn’t understand his question. _“Why_ would that be too much.”

Tadashi stared at him. Hiro _knew_ why. “W-Well… because…”

He didn’t finish that sentence. He squinted his eyes and stared a little harder at his brother. Did… Did Hiro genuinely not know what he was referring to? The whole reason why Tadashi had left in the first place? Or, was Tadashi just not picking up on any urgent cues to play along and pretend that it had never happened, in order for them to move on? He didn’t know.

He supposed it might’ve been the latter. Hiro didn’t forget things so easily.

Tadashi cracked a smile at him. “Never mind,” he said. “I was just asking. So…” He needed to triple-check. “It’s definitely OK then? If I moved back in here?”

 _“Yes,_ geez,” Hiro groaned, throwing his legs over the side of his bed. Before Tadashi could even react, Hiro had already crossed the room and left.

Tadashi stared after him, a little stunned. Well…

Ok then.

He went back downstairs to see that Hiro was already helping himself to the dishes of food Aunt Cass gradually set down on the table. She smiled Tadashi over as she took a seat herself and then they talked together excitedly as they ate, with minimal and mostly sarcastic contributions from Hiro.

Tadashi shook his head, smiling. Hiro wasn’t an ideal human being, as much as he loved him. But that didn’t matter. He was still and always was going to be his little brother. He finished up his warm meal and held his aunt’s hand and ruffled his brother’s hair.

He was home again.

 

It didn’t take a few days to move everything out of his flat. Aunt Cass’ back wasn’t what it used to be, so he roped Hiro into helping him get his shelves and his dresser and his bed up the stairs to the attic. He’d thought it would be a tough task for his little brother, but Hiro had carried heavy boxes and furniture and things with such _ease_ compared to his younger self, and Tadashi openly admired just how strong he’d become. And he’d been pleasantly surprised to see that Hiro had actually given his room a thorough clean-out when it was time for Tadashi to move back in. He hadn’t been expecting that. He patted Hiro on the shoulder and told him thanks, to which Hiro just shrugged and mumbled that Aunt Cass had made him.

Hiro acted nonchalant. He put on such a big front about being totally and emotionally unaffected by Tadashi’s move-in, because it was still cool for teenage boys to do that, he guessed. But Tadashi could tell that his move-in had meant at least _something_ to Hiro. From the way he caught Hiro staring at him through mirrors and glass reflections as he unpacked his things, when Hiro thought that he wasn’t looking.

He was happy to be back. It felt just like it had, almost four years ago. He laid down in his bed and called out, “goodnight, Hiro,” and the answering, “goodnight,” he received just made his chest swell to bursting point with sweet, tender nostalgia. He turned out the light and closed his eyes and breathed a sigh of quiet bliss, falling into sleep so soon.

 

When he next opened his eyes, it wasn’t morning yet. It was pitch-black, but even then he could still make out the dark shadow looming over him. He could _feel_ its presence. He could feel it breathe, he could feel it… _watching_ him. And he started to feel a scream build in his throat, even though he couldn’t feel the rest of his body anymore, and he just _knew_ –

It wasn’t a shadow. It wasn’t a stranger.

It was his brother.

Hiro must’ve been staring into the dark for a while now; he knew when and exactly where to cover Tadashi’s mouth to keep him from crying out. “Bro, it’s OK,” he whispered, and Tadashi just felt his entire body spike with _cold_ because this was _not_ OK– this was the furthest thing from _OK_ that could possibly _be._

And then he had to take it all back a second later, as he felt his brother straddle his waist.

“I’ve missed you,” Hiro breathed, suddenly on his face, in his ear, and Tadashi tried to jerk away from it, tried to yell for Aunt Cass or _somebody,_ but Hiro wasn’t letting him. He wasn’t even thrashing, and already Hiro had pinned his arms down with his knees in anticipation. He still couldn’t _see_ but he felt a hot palm press onto one side of his face. “I’ve missed you so much… I still _love_ you, Tadashi. And, I’ve grown up. I’m not a kid anymore. We could make this work.”

Tadashi whined into Hiro’s hand because his words couldn’t get out. He felt little tears pool in his eyes. _You’ll always be a kid to me…_

But this wasn’t Hiro. This wasn’t his little brother. This was…

Something else.

He didn’t know _what,_ but it _must’ve_ been _something else._

Tadashi tried in vain to get up as Hiro shifted back and put pressure low across his pelvis. He was too scared to care at this point; he’d throw Hiro halfway across the _room_ if that was what it took to get him to _stop this_ but–

He couldn’t move.

He couldn’t make him stop.

Hiro wasn’t thirteen anymore. He wasn’t all that small.

And he was a lot stronger now than he used to be.


End file.
